My Peer Commentary

English 102: Peer Responses

Week 1:

To Brianna: I enjoyed your topic. It was deeper than just a surface identity. You explained through example that who you are comes from the heart and not necessarily your daily actions. I agree with you that you are still an athlete regardless to the fact that you are no longer in an organized sport. Often times it is hard to break a habit or in your case to cease doing something that was such a big part of you. My advice would be to continue to stay active as you are. Furthermore, as you said you define who you are. Even though people will try to tell you otherwise just know that you are the one who defines you. 

Additionally, there are many skills you acquired from playing a sport that can never be taken from you. For example, I am sure that due to sports you have great determination, drive, and endurance. Furthermore, being an athlete and a student simultaneously you have acquired very vital time management skills and that will look good on a resume. Your athletic background helps complete you and makes you a well-rounded student. No one can take these lessons from you.

To Rhea: Wow what an interesting trait. I have never heard of a foodie before. I like how you described that a foodie is more than just someone who likes to eat. Additionally, I like the cultural ties that you described that comes along with being a foodie. It is very interesting to try foods from around the world. Food does help to make a person. It encompasses apart of them and their culture. I also find it very pleasing that you intake healthy food and not just all junk. Though, I find it funny that as a foodie cooking is not your top passion.

I personally agree with you that meal time is a bonding tool. I do not know exactly what it is but when you sit down and enjoy a meal with someone it makes you feel more connected to them. Especially if it is someone outside of your normal custom. By eating a new meal, you are adapting to a new culture. Meals often lead to background information and history since they vary from culture to culture. One thing that remains constant is that the 'breaking of bread' in general s a world wide tradition.

Week 2:

To Katrina: I love the positive outlook you put on being an outsider. When I originally read this prompt I automatically thought that it had to be something negative. You proved that this is not the case. You took your outsider situation and made the best of it. You allowed being an outsider to help you grow personally on the inside. As Rhea said, I really admire your dedication to the sport. Often times we focus so much on being like everyone else we loose sight of ourselves. I'm glad that you learned how to work on your own personal skills. The initiative that you took was great. Working on your craft twice per day to ensure success is true dedication. Once you reached you goal not only did you fit in with the others skaters but you were an able to be proud of yourself. Sometimes when people are frustrated they alienate themselves so I am glad that you made it through!

Week 3:

To Ryan: I agree that socially periods of silence are often view as awkward in our society. This is probably since we're so advanced. We are used to having everything immediately. That last piece of advice about allowing the silence is very good. Sometimes it's beneficial to allow the participant to truly think through their answer. Furthermore, I agree that all of the writer's rules were useful. The in depth explanation and examples provide good suggestions and ideas. Was anything like extremely surprising to you? Did you overlook a rule out of habit? 

As far as your questions, what is your identity? A child of divorced parents? Also try to avoid yes or no questions such as number 3. If its a follow up it should be all one question. Ask more how's and less did's. Maybe ask questions that are a little of a stretch. For example, "How did your parents divorce effect your outlook on marriage as a whole?" 

To Gia: The moments of silence seems to be a popular response. I agree with this tip as well. In our culture we are used to everything happening so instantaneous that often times, moments of silence are awkward. . That last piece of advice about allowing the silence is very good. Sometimes it's beneficial to allow the participant to truly think through their answer. As you said, when you are not being rushed your answer is often more elaborate.

As far as your identity are there any more specifics you can add? Maybe try identifying being a commuter from a specific neighborhood. Also like the article said don’t ask yes/no questions. Questions two, seven, eight, nine, eleven, and twelve need to be a little more in depth. For example, maybe #12 could say, "describe a moment...".  I do like your second question though. The comparison should produce a very unique response. 

Week 4:

To Ryan: I like the statistical evidence in your first quote. When writing maybe explain if you fit in with that status quo or if your experience has been difference. This sample was done on college students maybe find a similar one that is done on young children to compare. As far as relationship skills. Maybe provide a little more evidence that the change in relationship skills is directly related to the divorce. Furthermore, in future research maybe explore the effects divorce has on that child’s later parenting skills and marriages. Overall, this was written and researched well.

To Alexandra: I believe gender roles is a great topic! It is a very cultural concept. I suggest even doing a little background research on where it derived from. I love how you have the analytical question under you quotes. I do wish you put some quote analyses here though. As Ryan mentioned some lawsuit cases would also be interesting to view.

Again, I think this is a great topic. Gender equality is so often overlooked. Though in actuality, it is a pertinent issue. Females are still paid less than men in some places! As far as your sources, they seem very relevant to your topic. Good information, just dig deeper!

Week 7:

To Jelani: This is very well written and interesting to read. I could honestly put myself in your shoes not only because I've been there but because you used such great detail. Your writing has a nice flow to it and even rhymes at some points. I truly sympathize with you that you had to endure this treatment on a daily basis. I could hardly take hearing that hateful word from a white person in a scholastic setting once let alone everyday. I commend you on your endurance and strength. Though, with this being said you should not have had to sit there and take that. "Be the change you wish to see". Next time you are feeling that uncomfortable about something you should report it. Even if the issue is not resolved immediately at least you did your part in trying to foster a better learning environment for all students. 

To Ryan: I love your opening stanza. Right away I knew your identity without you even having to formally state it. Although, the flow of the overall essay could use some work. I understand what you are trying to get at but the organization could be a little better. Interestingly enough though it works. The inconsistencies in your poem represent the inconsistencies in your life. Keep being the responsible, mature young man that you are. Also though, remember that you are the victim and it is okay to be hurt or even cry if you need to.

Week 7.5: -Midterm Portfolio:

To Deborah: Your essay was very thought provoking. I like how you lead up to your topic. The background information in the introduction was very insightful. I am a technology major myself and it was shocking to read that there has been a decline.  You presented a lot of factual information. I would like to see a little more of an analysis on this though. Additionally, provide your personal insight and how you feel about these stigmatisms associated with being a female computer science major. Furthermore, add in more material from your interview. Maybe not necessarily in quotation form but just reference Dr. B a little more in general. 

    Your writing was very easy for me to connect with due to its casual tone. Unfortunately, I think you should adjust the tone to make it a little more professional. Furthermore, ensure the information you are stating is factual or make a clear distinction that it is an opinion. For example, you state, "Anyone can read an article or create a web page"(Stoddard). Though this may seem true living in a technology based world, in actuality, it is false. Many people can not read nor create a web page. Building off of this, it would help enhance your writing to provide a little background on certain issues. Maybe you can intertwine a little history on why technology majors are perceived as masculine. Furthermore, you could even dig a little deeper and explore the reasoning why sexism is so widespread. Additionally, I like that you touched on how these distorted views effect woman in technology negatively, maybe if this was ever in your experience, provide the positive as well. 

      All in all, this is a great topic and it deserves the light that you shed on it. Stay strong and confident in your identity. 

Week 8:

To Talia: I am assuming that your identity is being Jewish. If this is the case, it is surprising to me that you selected this considering you seem as though you do not fully support it. With that being said, I suggest you add in the perspective of someone who is committed to Judaism just to have multiple perspective. Maybe this is where your grandfather is going to come into play, I'm not sure. Also, I have not read you essay yet but just be sure that your research and interviews and personal experiences all carry approximately the same weight. 

You mentioned that you plan to form a connection to your secular research. I suggest maybe creating a juxtaposition on specific topics. It would be interesting to see how your research and personal opinions compare and contrast. Furthermore, I like the way you transitioned into your quotes. You gave them good introductions and even names! Great job! I wish you had posted the entire draft though and where you plan to place this. I can not really comment on your overall flow. Though, just be sure that if it is inserted mid paper that you have a strong transition and that everything ties together. 

To Amir: I really love how you compared football to life. The process of your maturity and the game you love really compliment one another. Definitely take a little more time to dig deep. Add some imagery and true feelings. Also, pay attention to grammar and practical details. I like how you included your dad into your identity. Maybe develop a little more on that. Although you have a good thought process I feel that you should've broken up some of your sentences as you had a few sentence run-ons. Adding a transition would be an effective way to develop your ideas as I see you have two separate focuses. Maybe you could explain how football has helped you in your academic life. I feel that your off to a good start but continued focus with a topic sentence might improve your ability to articulate your ideas more clearly. If you would like to continue your essay through high school make sure you connect your high school experience. Great start to your essay and GOOD JOB!